7:32 – I sit down with a frozen pizza to watch the Celtics (recorded on DVR) and check on the Red Sox.

7:33 – The sound isn’t working.

7:34 – [Frustrated grappling with wires and remotes]

7:37 – Success! Kevin Love hits a wide open three. Greeeeat start.

7:41 – Lebron hits a three to take the lead. He’s such a douche. We provide very insightful analysis here.

7:42 – Scanning the Red Sox play-by-play…Ramirez stole his first base of the year…Holt starting at shortstop…okay, I didn’t miss anything.

7:44 – Kevin Love exits with two fouls less than five minutes in. He is very sweaty and whiny.

7:45 – Lebron really thought he was gonna get away with that backcourt violation. I can’t promise that I will not continue to talk about how much of an ass he is.

7:46 – A real iffy call on a loose ball by Bennett Salvatore takes Avery Bradley out of the game with two fouls.

7:47 – Marcus Smart with a dagger three from the corner off of an offensive rebound. THEEEE DAGGERRR.

7:47 – [Fastforwardfastforwardfastforward]

7:49 – The Sox appear to have a runner in scoring in position after an infield single by Ryan Hanigan (???) and a walk by Betts. I dunno man, I’m just following the Gamecast. You gotta make choices sometimes.

7:50 – Cavs just completed a run to tie the game. C’mon Isaiah…

7:50 – Tyler Zeller came to play. Great offensive board, the hook/floater thing is working tonight.

7:51 – The Celts have gotta be careful with all these ill-advised outlet passes. I think Kevin Love might be having a bad influence on the Celtics’ bigs.

7:53 – Sully hits a three!

7:54 – How are the Sox doing…(I am clearly not a great multi-tasker)…hey, we got a run off another error! Hanigan came around after a fielder’s choice on a throwing error by the Rays’ second baseman Ryan Brett. Oh, I get it, they must’ve biffed it trying to turn two. Aren’t you glad you’re coming here for your reliable Red Sox recaps?

7:55 – Sullinger tries to answer a Kyrie Irving highlight three-pointer with one of his own. You can guess how that went…but then he draws a charge on the other end! Maybe stick to more of that sort of action, Sully.

7:58 – [Fastforwardfastforwardfastforward]

7:59 – Celtics with a 26-25 lead at the end of the first quarter.

7:59 – Red Sox are still up 1-0 in actual real time in the bottom of the third.

8:05 – I finished my pizza. Yes, the whole thing. No, I’m not ashamed.

8:07 – Ramirez is now 2-2 after an infield single off of Chris Archer.

8:08 – Nothing gives me greater pleasure than when Lebron tries to do something fancy that only he can pull off and it doesn’t work. Ball just got kicked out of bounds on a pass out to the corner from the lane.

8:10 – Kelly Olynyk just absolutely runs over Kevin Love on a three-pointer. He is such a loveable oaf. As Righty says, “Like a puppy who can’t control his limbs.” Love probably isn’t even mad.

8:11 – Ball don’t lie. Love makes 2 of 3.

8:12 – I want Evan Turner’s mid-range game.

8:13 – Ramirez gets stranded at second after Nava and Victorino both strike out to end the inning.

8:14 – J.R. Smith gets a steal and a breakaway, but doesn’t do anything too fancy, probably because he was worried that a trailing Kelly Olynyk would trip and run into him and send him to the hospital.

8:16 – “Brad Stevens received 2 first-place votes…DOUBLE the amount that third-place finisher Jason Kidd got!” Hard-hitting analysis, Abby.

8:17 – Marcus Smart just got shook by J.R. Smith. Not great.

8:18 – And Brandon Bass says NO to Kevin Love.

8:18 – Sully with another three! Celts up 4.

8:20 – Some Cleveland courtside douchebag dad is standing and wearing a sweater and gesturing to the crowd behind him. He is terrible.

8:22 – Lebron gets Isaiah to switch onto him and Isaiah has to give the foul. Lebron hits his shots and the Cavs take the lead.

8:23 – Jared Sullinger in iso is not the answer.

8:24 – Halftime! Cavs 51, Celtics 50. Come on defense…

8:24 – [Fastforwardfastforwardfastforward]

8:25 – We caught up! We finally get to see some live baseball. Hanigan is 2-2, gets a single with 1 out. Betts up next.

8:26 – Betts with a single on the ground through the left side. Moooooookiiiiieeeee.

8:27 – I need to shave. There’s no time for this kind of contemplation with basketball. In baseball, there’s much more time to think.

8:29 – Pedey looks very upset in the dugout.  We were checking the Celtics, what happened…he struck out on three pitches. Yeeeeeshhhh.

8:31 – Absolute horseradish call on Marcus Smart fouling Kyrie Irving on a three.

8:32 – Has Lebron ever not acted like his nose is falling off when he gets hit in the face? What an unbelievable pansy. I pure, straight hate him. I think I would spit at his feet if I ever met him. Very classy way to express disdain.

8:33 – Ortiz strikes out to strand Hanigan.

8:36 – Goddammit. James outlet alley to Love for the oop.

8:37 – Betts with a hop to catch a liner to center. I’m sorry, look, it’s not exactly a highlight but I’m working with whatever game action I’m catching here.

8:38 – Pedroia has a little trouble getting the ball out of his glove but manages to get it to Holt to turn two anyway.

8:38 – Brock Holt is the ultimate utility player. I am not biased.

8:40 – We have got to hit some freakin’ shots.

8:40 – Just realized we haven’t seen any Jonas Jerebko tonight. Sully misses a three. Ugh. We’re down 10. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.

8:42 – Down 12.

8:42 – Alley-oop from Irving to James in transition. Down 14.

8:43 – Kelly misses a three.

8:44 – I do not feel good about this game right now. Can you tell?

8:44 – Sully gets two on a good offensive board.

8:46 – Turner working real hard on the offensive boards on his own shot. He has such a punchable face, but I’m beginning to love him a little bit. Whoa, it just all came out there.

8:47 – I spoke too soon! A Jonas Jerebko sighting!

8:49 –Isaiah makes the most ridiculous shots. I love him pretty unequivocally. This is getting very romantic.

8:50 – My dad calls. We’re talking about the Patriots schedule. There’s a game on my mom’s birthday this year!

8:56 – My mom is telling me about how people got arrested at her work. Crazy stuff!

8:57 – This story is actually pretty weird. I’m engaged.

8:57 –There’s no way that Pablo got this guy at second. He’s for sure safe.

9:04 – Isaiah is the freaking man.

9:05 – Wade’s been doing great so far but he’s in trouble. Bases loaded, two outs.

9:08 – Scal is such a tremendous dork.

9:09 – Isaiah nutmegged Love! Mmmm, smells like Christmas.

9:11 – Mozgov hits Turner pretty hard going up. Turner only makes 1 of 2 though.

9:12 – Ball don’t lie.

9:12 – Ogando came in to get the Sox out of the jam, so the Rays are still scoreless.

9:15 – Ugh, Cavs’ lead back to seven.

9:16 – Pedroia grounds out to third to end the inning. He’s 0-4 tonight. Probably wearing his angry hat.

9:19 – Offensive foul on Love being a clumsy fella.

9:20 – Isaiah with the reverse layup on the baseline drive. I am nervous and upset.

9:22 – Four point game. 3:20 left.

9:22 – Bradley fouls Irving on a baseline fadeaway with no time left on the shot clock. It was a brick, obviously. Makes both. Down 6.

9:23 – Isaiah gives it to Turner. Turner bricks it off the backboard.

9:23 – Lebron in the post…too easy. Down 8. Two-thirty left.

9:24 – Isaiah’s going to the line after a hard drive. We’re almost in desperation mode. Arrrgggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh.

9:26 – We need like three stops and to score every time. COME ON YOU DEVIL LOG.

9:26 – Smith, Thompson, James, Shumpert, Irving. Bradley, Thomas, Crowder, Zeller, Smart.

9:28 – 3 seconds on the Cavs. 1 stop.

9:28 – Zeller stripped on a good feed from Thomas. James with the block.

9:29 – Lebron with a brick, Thompson with the offensive rebound. 1:22 left.

9:29 – James all the way to the basket. Thomas up the floor as fast as he can, dribbles it out of bounds. Down 8. 1 minute left. This feels like slow death. Smart gives the desperation foul.

9:31 – It’s over. Watching the Sox is helping me cope. Ortiz flies out to left.

9:32 – Nava fouls out to Longoria, nice play, made the catch in the stands.

9:33 – They’re just dribbling it out. This stiiiiiiinks.

9:33 – Traveling on Kyrie! DON’T CALL IT A COMEBACK.

9:34 – Down 8 with 8 seconds left!

9:34 – Game over. Celts lose, Celts lose.

9:35 – Take me away, Don. Tell me about Hewlett-Packard’s products and how I can get them at unbelievable rates from W.B. Mason. Help me to forget.

9:36 – Tazawa in. Two pitches, two outs.

9:44 – Just realized I have to go out to the Pour House to meet somebody. I’m still in my gym clothes. And I want to go to bed. Ughhhhhhh. Going to get changed. By the way, there’s a runner on third with one out.

9:46 – Hanigan strikes out.

9:49 – Mookie flies out to left, going to the bottom of the ninth. I’m now wearing jeans.

9:51 – Hey Comcast commercial – why would the lifeguard be sitting out in the rain under her umbrella? She’d probably be inside. Get a clue.

9:52 – Are we getting Koji? We’re getting Koji.

9:52 – First pitch is a hard-hit single to left off an easily handled fastball.

9:53 – Longoria’s up now.

9:54 – I don’t think I’ve ever noticed the “Koji” written in cursive on his glove.

9:54 – Righty: “Is Rocco Baldelli their first base coach?” Yes he is. What a bummer.

9:55 – Good splitter gets Longoria to ground into the double play, Sandoval to Pedroia to Nava.

9:56 – 2 outs now. Desmond Jennings is up. First pitch is up and in. Splitter low for ball two.

9:57 – Jennings grounds the third pitch foul to the left. The Rays decide to play Blitzkrieg Bop in the background. Next pitch, ground ball to third base, tough play for Sandoval, throw’s not his best, but Nava makes a tremendous scoop to end the game. Okay, now I have to go out on a Tuesday night. Here’s hoping I’m back by midnight.

P.S. I’m just gonna leave this highlight reel of Brock Holt plays from last night here.