You know that thing that people do on the Internet sometimes where they make a list of what things are good and what things are bad instead of having the journalistic integrity to actually write properly? WELL HERE’S ANOTHER ONE.

Good: Justin Masterson pitched seven innings and gave up three earned runs (that’s a quality start!), becoming the 4th Red Sox starter to go at least 7 innings deep. Buchholz, Porcello, and Kelly have each done it once as well. Our poor bullpen.

Bad: He’d only thrown 90 pitches when Farrell elected to replace him with Matt Barnes in the 8th inning, showing a couple things: 1. Masterson was working very quickly, more because his pitches weren’t missing bats than any particular dominance on his part and 2. A little bit of a lack of confidence by Farrell in letting Masterson’s pitch count get up into the triple digits (he hasn’t made it past 95 pitches yet in 2015).

Bad: Before yesterday’s game, Shane Victorino was put on the 15-day Disabled List with the same hamstring strain that plagued him throughout 2014.

Good: Matt Barnes was called up from Pawtucket and pitched two solid (okay, the 8th was a little dicey) innings. Okay, that’s not that good, but for Sox fans itching to see Rusney Castillo in action, Victorino to the DL can only be good news, especially with Daniel Nava and Allen Craig both struggling. Though Castillo has been hurt himself, only playing three games in Pawtucket (last seen on April 11th), he’s supposed to be back soon, and who knows? He could be up in the majors soon depending on Victorino’s duration of absence.

Bad: Through 18 games, Mookie Betts is batting .203, has an on-base percentage of .291, and has a .319 slugging percentage. Through 18 games in 2014, Jackie Bradley Jr. was contributing .220/.329/.280. I’m not sure what I’m saying here, and the advanced stats say that Mookie’s stuff is gonna get better (he currently has a .218 batting average on balls in play)…but still.

Bad: Okay, time to get to the actual baseball game that happened yesterday. Masterson giving up back-to-back doubles to start the game, giving the Orioles a 2-0 lead going into the 2nd inning = bad.

Good: Could Mike Napoli have finally got used to dreaming again? He went 3-4 yesterday, including a two-run home run off the right field foul pole to knock in Hanley Ramirez (4 pitch leadoff walk) six pitches into the 2nd inning to tie the game at 2.

Bad: Masterson allowed runners to get to third in both the 2nd and 3rd innings.

Good: He got out of both jams, including a two-out, men on 2nd and 3rd strikeout (looking) of Travis Snider to get out of the third.

Good: Allen Craig actually came through on the offensive side, sending one through the left side with Hanley Ramirez on second, which might’ve scored a run in different circumstances…

Bad: …but it didn’t. Hanley looks very slow, doesn’t he? If he was waved around, I have to say it looks like a bad decision by 3rd base coach Brian Butterfield. Not even close. Then again, I can’t actually see if Butterfield waved him in, and Hanley’s been known to ignore Butterfield.

Ramirez said he made up his mind to try to score when he reached second base.

“I saw how deep [Kiermaier] was playing,” he said. “I anticipate everything. They were playing way back, and that’s when I decided to go.”

Bad: An absolute meatball, a breaking ball left at the top of the zone that Masterson served up to Jimmy Paredes for a solo shot to take the lead in the 6th.

Good: After a leadoff walk and two consecutive miscues by the Orioles that ended up being labeled as “infield singles,” the Red Sox had the bases loaded with 1 out in the top of the 9th, down by one. Pablo, on a 1-2 count, grounded a pretty easy double play ball to Manny Machado, who stepped on third and promptly threw it away at first, allowing Dustin Pedroia to score and tie the game.

Bad: Brock Holt is now the only Red Sox player batting over .300. He is also the only one over .400.

Good: Xander Bogaerts, the closest to batting .300, hit a lead-taking home run in the top of the 10th on a fastball down the heart of the plate on Brad Brach’s first pitch of the night.

Koji time, right?

Bad: Yes, but no. Koji came in in the bottom of the 10th and gave up this leadoff “triple” to Adam Jones on what should’ve been either a conservative single or a play that Allen Craig should’ve been able to make on the dive. But instead, he offers up one of the worst executed dives I’ve seen in a good while. Jones would score on a sacrifice fly by Davis, the next batter.

Bad: This. Koji, you gotta stop doing this.

Conceivably the worst meatball of the night in a game full of them.

This was the first game in a while that I’ve been able to watch all the way through (with the sound on) and keep score. As a result I took a lot of notes. This is all notes and it’s way longer than any recap I’ve done so far, but it’s Saturday and you have nothing better to do, so read on:

-Bottom of the second, Porcello strikes out Jones on a disgusting hook.

-His season high before today was 6 K’s, he struck out the first 5 he faced, and 6 out of the first 7.

-I love Mookie‘s scowl. It seems like it’s just his resting face after getting a hit. I can’t find a picture of it yet, but his upper lip is drawn up just a little bit on his left side.

–What a pick by Pedroia to start a double play. I will never get tired of watching him do stuff like that.

-Don and Jerry commented that Pablo Sandoval will really swing at anything. I read an article at some point last year that said that one of the reasons he’s had so much success in the postseason is because he is willing to swing at balls out of the strike zone. If management has compiled a team of hitters with similar hitting approaches (in Moneyball terms, nine Scott Hattebergs), a pitcher painting corners will be able to shut down your entire lineup. Having someone like Sandoval who isn’t afraid to swing at pitches out of the strike zone (which is putting it lightly. He singled on a pitch literally at his eyes in the 2nd) will help you get something going against a pitcher who is mowing the rest of your lineup down.

Don and jerry are getting a big kick out of this guy pic.twitter.com/jiYYyIEIXQ

— LeftyandRighty.com (@AndRighty) April 25, 2015

He’s a superhero… Out of shape guy @DonOrsillo — LeftyandRighty.com (@AndRighty) April 25, 2015

-After facing the minimum through the first 3 1/3 innings, Porcello gave up a single to Manny Machado and a four-bagger to Jimmy Paredes on a FLAT slider that barely spun, much less broke. It’s already the 6th home run Porcello has surrendered, most in the league. Followed by a single to Adam Jones. Then Chris Davis hit a comebacker while Jones was stealing second. Porcello threw to second anyway. Brock Holt stretched like a first baseman to make sure he got the ball before Jones got to the bag, then pivoted and fired on to first to complete the double play to end the inning.

-“The Red Sox have squared some balls up but they still can’t seem to solve Gonzalez and I don’t understand why. To this point, 66% of his pitches have been fastballs around 90 MPH, and the Sox are missing some meatballs. Sure, Betts walked and Pedey singled, but it feels like we should be smacking this guy around.”

-…And as soon as I’m done writing that, Papi hits a skyscraping home run. The ball definitely clears the fence, but it looks like a kid reaches his glove above a leaping Dimitri Delmon Young (thanks to the Old Boy for pointing that out), taking the ball away from him. Somewhere Jeffrey Maier smiles. (Little known fact about Jeff: He went on to play baseball at my sister’s alma mater, Wesleyan University, and became their all-time hits leader). Sox are up 3-2.

-Two pitches later, Hanley goes back-to-back with Papi on a slider. To say it was hanging would besmirch the legacy of every brave partially-punctured chad in Florida in the 2000 presidential election. Hanley swung so hard that his helmet flew completely off, and he circled the bases with just a skull cap on his head, which must’ve been a pretty cool feeling. Like he was just messing with his buddies on a summer afternoon and took a victory lap after he parked one. It was Ramirez’s 6th dinger of the year, putting him 3rd in the league behind Mark Teixeira (who hit two last night), and Nelson Cruz. I found it very fitting that Ortiz and Ramirez went deep for the first back-to-back of the season, just like old times. 4-2 lead, and all of it came with 2 outs.

-As we’ve discussed several times over the course of the season, Hanley and Manny Ramirez are one and the same. And true to form, Hanley giveth, Hanley taketh away. After going deep in the top half of the 5th, Hanley “misplayed” a fly ball into a double (it was over his shoulder and ruled a hit, but in reality he just dropped it) in the bottom half of the frame. This ended up directly leading to a run.

-After taking the lead, it’s ideal for your starter to throw up a zero in the next frame. Porcello gave a run right back after the Sox took a lead. It wasn’t his fault, since Hanley 100% should’ve caught that ball, and Cabrera’s RBI hit came on a good pitch (sinker down and away), but it was frustrating all the same.

-In the bottom of the 6th, Paredes flew out to foul territory in left field. Hanley ran as far as he could, caught the ball against the wall, and threw out Manny Machado who had tagged up and was trying to take second. Now the similarities to Manny Ramirez are downright scary. Subpar outfielder who screws up a fairly routine ball, but later his underestimated arm nabs an unsuspecting opponent. Remember that year Manny was leading the league in outfield assists? Also, Hanley lost his hat on the play.

-There’s a running joke in our group of friends that Lefty is a jinx when it comes to sports. Well yesterday, Lefty commented that the Sox were 12 for 12 in stolen base attempts so far this season. Well lo and behold, Pedey got caught stealing second last night. Farrell challenged the call. Remy started breaking down the replay, but then said “I should just shut up” because he’s in the midst of a “challenge slump.” Lefty is confirmed as a jinx.

On the “superhero” dancing with the oriole – @Jerry_Remy: that’s something we really don’t need to see. @DonOrsillo: it’s kinda gross — LeftyandRighty.com (@AndRighty) April 25, 2015

-Once again, a Red Sox starter looks dominant at times, but doesn’t pitch deep into the game and ends up with a pedestrian line:

Boston	IP	H	R	ER	BB	SO	HR	ERA
Porcello	6.0+	6	4	4	2	7	1	6.48

–Alexi Ogando came in in a big spot in the bottom of the 7th, and while preparing to face his first batter, he went to his mouth while on the rubber, resulting in an automatic ball.

Farrell came out to get out an explanation from Dana DeMuth (who had a horseshit zone all day, by the way). Once DeMuth said his piece, it looked like Farrell responded with an emphatic “Oh for fuck’s sake!” before returning to the dugout. Ogando got into some trouble, but got Manny Machado to strike out on a full count in a HUGE spot.

-After two quick outs in the top of the 8th, Panda drew a walk in a long at-bat while batting righty. Allen Craig then pulled a grounder that Machado olé’d, giving the Gold Glover his second surprising error in as many series against the Red Sox. That brought up Brock Holt! who hit a quadruple on a 2-2 pitch up and in, giving the Sox the lead for good. THE BROCK STAR NEEDS REGULAR AT BATS. Again, all of this came with two outs. The Sox were 2-5 with RISP for the game.

-Koji came in and threw 21 splitters and 2 fastballs to ease the door shut (he gave up two singles, so he didn’t quite slam it).  

I watched the Celtics again, but I’m only going to devote a few lines to it before getting to the Sox. Too many turnovers from sloppy ballhandling. Too many missed threes (I’m looking at you, Avery Bradley). Too many threes by the Cavs (especially Kevin Love). Too much LeBron to handle. Too many frustrating offensive rebounds for the Cavs (especially Tristan Thompson). None of this is particularly groundbreaking, but maybe worst of all, Isaiah didn’t play well enough, and he wasn’t on the floor in crunch time. Jonas Jerebko played more minutes than either Thomas or Marcus Smart. Evan Turner and Jae Crowder were our best players on the floor last night, and each of them had four turnovers. Oh well. Time to make history…

Meanwhile, in Red Sox land (actually, probably not an inaccurate name for Tampa), Boston dropped the last game of a three-game series to the Rays to lose its first series of the year. The good news is that the pitching staff has only given up 10 runs over its last 37 innings pitched. The bad news is that the Red Sox’ bats have been anemic so far in 2015. Brock Holt’s .414 average in 29 at-bats looks great, but there’s not much else to applaud. Xander Bogaerts is hitting .302, yeah, but he’s been almost exclusively a slap-hitter so far. Pablo Sandoval is hitting a respectable .263 but has the same problem: he’s only hitting singles. In fact, the only players on the team who can claim an OPS over .750 are Dustin Pedroia and Hanley Ramirez (and Holt, but he’s only played in 9 of 16 games).

Three everyday players (Betts, Ortiz, and Napoli) are batting below the Mendoza Line. The platoon outfielders (Victorino, Nava, and Craig) are batting a combined .167. The catchers’ combined batting average is .208.

Thankfully, the Sox are still doing the little things right. They’re tied for the league lead in walks, and they’re 12 for 12 in stolen base attempts. And so, despite bottom-half of the league performance in hitting, they’re sixth in the league in runs. I guess what I’m saying is it’s not time to panic yet, because runs are still crossing the plate. Well, not a ton recently, but you know what I mean. And if the bats were suddenly to come alive…well, we’d really be cooking with gas.

For now, though, we’re cooking with a couple damp sticks we’re trying to rub together after a heavy rain. And in this game, those sticks generated a whopping one run, in the second inning on a sacrifice fly by Daniel Nava to shallow center following Pablo Sandoval’s second (!) extra-base hit of the year, a leadoff double. Nava’s sacrifice looked like a popup off his bat – he must be hitting the gym.

In the bottom of the same inning, though, Clay Buchholz gave the run right back (the only run he’d give up in a reasonably dominant performance over 6 innings). Like Sandoval, Longoria led off with a double on an absolute meatball down the heart of the plate. After, like Sandoval, getting moved over to third base on a groundout, he was knocked in on a base hit to center by Logan Forsythe. It could’ve been worse: as Righty pointed out, Buchholz’s pitch tailed off to the inside juuuust enough to avoid being pummelled, instead forcing Forsythe to slap it to center for an easy single. With men on first and second and one out, though, Clay struck out the next two batters to get out of the jam.

The only thing of note to happen in the 3rd inning was a great stolen base by Mookie Betts after a walk. This would be the first of three two-out, man on 2nd opportunities that the Sox would fail to capitalize on, as Pedroia grounded out to short to end the inning.

In the top of the 5th, Bogaerts slapped a single through the right side with two outs, and León walked to move him to second. Mookie was up next but, well, it didn’t work out:

Obviously a great catch by Kiermaier, but clearly Mookie thought he was out on contact, looking frustrated coming out of the box. He might not have reckoned for Kiermaier playing as deep in center field as he was.

In the top of the 7th, Allen Craig (!) hit a two-out single, followed by a Bogaerts walk moving him to second base. But Hanley Ramirez, pinch-hitting for León, struck out looking on a slider that maybe grazed the inside corner (Hanley certainly couldn’t believe it).

After solid one-inning outings from Ogando and Tazawa, we really could’ve used a less gradual recovery process from Koji Uehara, who was assumedly unavailable after closing Tuesday’s game. Instead, Farrell called for Anthony Varvaro, who came into the game with a 1.17 ERA but, perhaps more tellingly, a less impressive 1.30 WHIP in 7.2 innings.

It all happened pretty quickly. Leadoff single by the guy who is confusingly not related to Lenny Dykstra. Pinch runner. Fly out. Kiermaier single. Then this:

On a curve that didn’t get down far enough and stayed inside on a 1-2 count, by the Rays’ catcher who’s 7-52 on the year. That’s just how it goes sometimes I guess. But we still could’ve used Koji out there.

Anyway, at least the pitching is (relatively) solid at the moment – Buchholz had 10 strikeouts! – and we’re still getting on base. Now we just gotta get those slugging percentages up. Oh, and win 4 games in a row against the best basketball player in the world. I’m all mixed up right now.

P.S. I still ate my bagel. YOLO.