When the blogging bullpen phone went off I’ll admit that I was a bit nervous. Not because I had nothing to write about but because I have so goddamn much to write about. There’s Tanaka’s elbow (which hasn’t received NEARLY enough coverage!), Carlos Beltran’s attempt to make the entire state of New York hate his guts, Brett Gardner’s mustache brigade, Didi Gregorious not giving me a single chance this season to use “GreGLORIOUS”…you get the point. After some thought and bitching to Mike Arcudi, I decided to go with a topic that comes straight from the heart: how much I fucking hate Brian McCann. Since I have the devastating double play combination of having ADD and being grammatically challenged I’m going to do this section style.

Integrity of the Game: I cannot tell you how much having the typical “unwritten rules” dumbass on my favorite team pisses me off. It’s legitimately impossible to be that guy and not be full of yourself. Like I can completely picture Brian rolling out of bed, staggering to the bathroom and having that moment where he slowly raises his head, looks at himself in the mirror, and says “Today is going to be a good day, because you’re going to do it the right way”. His nickname on Baseball-Reference.com is literally listed as “Fun Police”. Vomit.

His Face: Look at that smug little grin…It’s the most punchable face I’ve ever seen.

Performance: Simply put, he is awful. It’s not acceptable to be considered a “hitting catcher” and have had an on-base percentage of .286 last year. Everyone just gives him a pass because he occasionally hits over 20 home runs…yet they somehow fail to notice that he has never ONCE hit 25! Throw in the fact that he hit .230 and hit into the 5th most double plays for a catcher in 2014 and you can see why my patience is wearing thin. Yet even if Brian McCann’t hit (had to), at least he is a pretty good fielder…but that’s not worth $17 million.

Prospects: On November 23, 2013, the New York Yankees signed Brian McCann to a five year, $85 million contract with a vesting option for a sixth year. This stands as the largest contract ever given to a free agent catcher…and also the largest roadblock for the plethora of catching talent currently in the Yankees farm system. In fact, outside of high-powered arms, one could argue that catcher was the 2nd deepest position in the system at this time. Players of note include J.R. Murphy and Gary Sanchez. This article does a great job of detailing the top 5 guys but lets just stick to these two…since I actually knew who they were at the time of the McCann signing.

• Gary Sanchez: Ranked the 52nd best prospect by Baseball America in 2013, Gary is rated as a 50 bat, 65 power (!!), 30 speed, 45 defense and a 60 arm on the caveman-esque 20-80 scale and was projected to reach the show some time in 2015. At the time he was 20 years old…and probably damn pissed off.
• John Ryan Murphy: I love this kid, I’ve had a mancrush on him for over 3 years and for whatever reason I think he is going to be better than Sanchez (scouts obviously disagree with me). There’s just something about this kid that is special, he is quick on his feet and plays the position fluidly. I was at a random Yankees game a last year when he was playing and on the side TVs in the bleachers they showed a long quote from a 75 year old coach in the minor league system…I can’t find it anywhere but he legitimately said that J.R. was the best catcher he had ever seen at any level at any point. I’m glad I at least have a possibly senile old man on my side!

Look, I’ll scream when he hits a clutch hit and I’ll cheer for him to do well but literally nothing about this guy makes me like him…especially his face.