Here’s the deal. I’m on a boat for a bachelor party. The Sox got slaughtered last night. I’m writing this on my phone, so it’s just not gonna be super high quality. You don’t really want a long post on a 7 run loss, do you? Good.

I’ll say a few things to appease the masses though, don’t worry. Here are some thoughts from a man who watched the condensed game on MLB.com:

Rick Porcello cruised through the first three innings and was actually staked to a lead, thanks to a second inning Mike Napoli solo home run. But after a leadoff tying home run by Albert Pujols to tie it up in the 4th inning, things got a little hairy. It took two singles, a walk, and another run before the inning was over.

By the time the 5th rolled around, and Rick was once more staked to a one-run lead, he’d completely lost the plot. Two walks to start things off. A single that scored both runners with a little help from Bogaerts. A ground out.  A single and a double that each scored a run, and that was the end of his night. I know some people think he’s pretty good, but I just don’t see it. I’ll be surprised if he ever lives up to that contract.

Matt Barnes then came in and gave up two home runs to really put the icing on the cake. Rusney Castillo didn’t help much by dropping an easy fly out right out of his glove. It was one of those glorious moments when you see a professional athlete screw up something that you could legitimately do 10 out of 10 times. But other than making me feel good about my chances to make the MLB, it was an ugly night for the call-up, as he also dropped a sliding catch that he absolutely could have made on the right field foul line.

The Sox finally made a serious threat in the 7th, but neither Ortiz nor Nava did anything with the bases loaded and no outs and 1 out, respectively, and that was pretty much all she wrote.

Xander had a pretty tough day in the field. Hanley left a little while after getting hit by a pitch. Mike Trout had the greatest slide probably in baseball history. Brock Holt hit a bases loaded double, but the third guy to come around, Napoli, was thrown out. That’s all I got, people. I’ll update this with some videos and pictures someday.