Before I get to last night’s game, I’m gonna run you through the moves the Red Sox are making as they come up to the trade deadline:

1. Clay Buchholz was transferred to the 60-day disabled list, meaning a. both Righty and I are optimistic fools (I thought he’d start 12 more times this year, Righty thought 10) and b. the Sox are officially OFFICIALLY giving up on the season. As well they should, I guess.

2. Boston claimed righty reliever Jean Machi off waivers from the Giants (he’s a proven winner!). He’s 33 years old, having bounced around various minor league systems from 2002-2011. He made it count when he finally got a real promotion in 2013, pitching 53 innings with a 2.38 ERA, a 1.09 WHIP, and 8.7 K/9. He was similarly good in 2014, but it fell apart for Machi this year, with a 5.41 ERA, a 1.49 WHIP, and 5.7 K/9 through 35 innings, plus a walk rate that’s climbed all the way up to 3.6 per 9 innings. Some might say he’s completely lost it, and it’s expected because hey, he’s old. But on the other hand, it’s the outlier in his career so far. Who knows? For now, he’s just another Red Sox pitcher with an ERA above 5.00. He belongs here.

3. Infielder Josh Rutledge was added to the major league roster. Like Machi, he’d have to have a throwback year to justify a continued presence in the lineup: in 2012, he hit .274/.306/.469, but hasn’t touched those numbers since.

4. Jemile Weeks was sent down to make room for Rutledge. Weeks has nothing to apologize for, having played solid defense and gone 3 for 9 in 3 games with Boston.

5. Mookie Betts was placed on the 7-day disabled list in the aftermath of this play, which I’m sure everyone’s seen by now:

6. Jackie Bradley, Jr. was called up to take Mookie’s spot, and was in the lineup last night. It’s a good idea both in terms of bringing up the Sox’ next best option for center field and showcasing Bradley in advance of the trade deadline.

And that’s it. Now let’s get to the bad part.

Rick Porcello started this game, and honestly, maybe it’s all my fault. Maybe my level of dislike for him and my apprehension for each of his starts is putting some sort of bad juju on him and that’s the reason he’s so terrible. But whatever the cause, 2015 Rick Porcello is a BUM. He’s an absolute BUM, and if things keep going this way, it will go down as one of the worst contracts in Red Sox history because Cherington gave $80 million to a BUM OFF THE STREET. And Cherington’s a bum too for looking at the same goddamn stats I’m looking at for Porcello’s 2009-2014 and concluding that this would work out. I’m not gonna hold anything against 2016 Rick Porcello when the time comes. But this version? You stink Rick. You stink bad.

In any case, he gave up an Adam Eaton leadoff home run around the Pesky Pole. He left a slider up and in. The guy’s such a headcase that the game was probably over right then and there.

I do want to be clear that I don’t actually hate Rick Porcello, the person. The guy clearly wants to win. He dove headlong into first base to get the first out of the game last night. But he just doesn’t have it on the mound. Another run scored when a wall-ball single led to a substandard throw in by Hanley Ramirez and an even worse job of securing the ball by Brock Holt. Melky Cabrera came around on Holt’s error to make it 2-0.

The Sox went down in order.

In the second inning, Porcello gave up three two-out singles, a walk, and finally hit Adam LaRoche to drive in the 5th White Sox run of the game. This series of events included an infield single by Tyler Saladino on which Pablo Sandoval faked a throw to first before spinning around quickly to pick an overeager Adam Eaton off third base. But, of course, he was the only one with this thought, and neither Porcello nor Xander Bogaerts was covering third for him, so Eaton made it safely back. Two more runs would score in the inning.

The Sox went down in order again.

In the third inning, in defiance of logic and reason, Porcello was still in the game. He promptly gave up another leadoff home run to Alexei Ramirez, a true power threat (5 HRs on the year – Eaton has 9). He then gave up a double and a single before finally being removed in favor of Craig Breslow.

I’ll just leave this here:

PITCHERS	IP	H	R	ER	BB	SO	HR	ERA
Porcello	2.0	10	6	5	1	2	2	5.81

Mostly, I’m impressed that he managed to have a worse outing than Joe Kelly on Monday.

In any case, Breslow had probably his best outing of the year, stranding Porcello’s runners in the 3rd and going 1-2-3-4-5-6 in the 4th and 5th innings. Proud of you Craig.

In the bottom half of the third, Pablo Sandoval drew a rare Jose Quintana walk, and then Ryan Hanigan hit a gapper double to right-center. For some unknown reason, Brian Butterfield decided to send Panda home on what would undoubtedly be a close play, and he was thrown out. Honestly, what the hell is Butterfield doing out there right now? This is at least his third terrible decision since the All-Star Break. You’re looking at men on 2nd and 3rd with no outs in a 6-0 game! So unnecessary, so silly. Just terrible stuff.

Mike Napoli, basically the only Boston player who had a good game (including an excellent toss on that diving Porcello play in the 1st inning), drove Bogaerts in on a double off the Green Monster in the 4th. Nap also hit a solo home run in the 7th inning. Righty thinks that Napoli’s recent performance has a chance to drive up his trade value, and he’s probably right.

Every time one of the Sox vets does something good I feel like that kid in Super 8 who’s always screaming “production value!” #tradevalue!

— LeftyandRighty.com (@AndRighty) July 30, 2015

Tommy Layne came in and gave up an unsurprising two runs. In June and July, his WHIP is somewhere above 1.62. Alexi Ogando relieved Layne after two innings and gave up a run himself, but worse, showed once again that he has no idea how to flip to second base to start a double play.

Really, it’s pathetic. And it’s not an isolated incident! Remarkable stuff.

And that was pretty much it. Rusney Castillo should’ve walked in the bottom of the 9th, because Daniel Webb had already walked Ortiz and Napoli. But instead, he swung at pitch that was way inside, and the next two batters went down too. Game, blouses.

Notes:

• Farrell basically blamed Sandoval for not scoring when Butterfield sent him because he’s fat.