It’s the truth. It could just be a funk, a phase, something to work through. But as of this moment, they suck. It’s all bad. I barely want to even talk about it. But the mission is to write one of these for every game. So, well, here you go.

Joe Kelly sucked: Three terrible innings (3.0 IP, 7 walks, 3 hits, 5 ER), two easy ones, and a 6th inning he was navigating pretty successfully before getting replaced with Matt Barnes, who quickly made sure that the runner Kelly left on first would count against his ERA.

Allen Craig sucked (sorry, did I say sucked?) sucks: Another 0-fer. Add it to the list. I liked the part of the game when Don Orsillo tried to tell us that Craig has gone 260 games or something without making an error. Listen Don, you’re great, but a. that’s not that impressive for an outfielder and b. who cares? I’d gladly trade an error now and then for a guy who could at least hit above the Mendoza line.

To be fair, he was robbed of a weird bloop that went over Donaldson’s head and into the waiting glove of shortstop Ryan Goins. Either way, when your best at-bat of the night is a 1-out broken bat failure with men on 2nd and 3rd, and your other three appearances are strikeouts…well, it’s just a pretty grim state of affairs.

Blake Swihart (has) sucked: I want to believe. I really do. But except for a relative propensity for working his at-bats to deep counts, he really hasn’t done a whole lot. He’s 2-22 since being called up, and one of those hits was an infield miracle. And the pitchers certainly haven’t improved with his arrival either.

Mike Napoli sucks: A first-pitch-swinging double the opposite way notwithstanding (better lucky than good sometimes, right?), he looked no less lost than he has all season. It’s really a toss-up as to whether he’s gonna find his bat again. If I were a betting man, I’m not sure I’d count on it.

Hanley Ramirez sucked is hurt: Okay, I guess he gets a free pass. But he’s definitely not 100%, and he’s gimping around out there. It’s embarrassing.

We weren’t very lucky. That sucked: In addition to Craig’s would-be short bloop single, Ortiz also came up short (or, I guess, a little long?) on a bloop to left.

The team sucks: And at least it seems like everyone knows it. The team called a players-only meeting after yesterday’s loss, so at least they’re doing SOMETHING. And Jackie Bradley, Jr. is on his way up to Toronto from Pawtucket. Supposedly, Craig’s getting sent down in his place. So at least we’re not standing still. Also, Mujica was traded, for a player to be named later OR cash considerations. I think that speaks volumes.

Okay, that’s enough of that. Let’s move on. Happy Mother’s Day!

Sometimes you get home on time from work and do a good job taking notes on the Red Sox game, and sometimes you go see The Avengers: Age of Ultron and get home at 10:45 and decide to watch it on DVR while writing about it in real-time. REAL-TIME! Prepare to be immersed in my watching experience.

10:54 – Just spent the last 10 minutes watching the top of the 1st while talking about shoes with our roommate Big Bear (he asked to be called that). He has boat shoes and fancy shoes, but he’s looking for a solid, fancyish shoe that’s also comfortable enough for everyday use. Any suggestions? Anyway, Masterson walked the first batter of the game, Kiermaier, who then slid too far on an attempted steal of second. He’d beaten the throw by a mile, too, tough break. Masterson hit the next guy, Forsythe, then got Loney to ground into a double play to end the inning.

Okay, you know what? It’s 11:02. That last paragraph took me eight minutes to write. Not great. The Sox also got the Rays to ground into a double play to end the 2nd inning, this one following a David DeJesus single.

11:04 – Okay, what’s happening…Forsythe threw it away on an Ortiz grounder into the shift in the bottom of the 1st, but that came with two outs, and Napoli (batting cleanup, yiiiikes) grounded out to end the inning.

11:06 – Bottom of the 2nd, Sox go down in order. Fast-forwarrrrrrrrd…

11:07 – Asdrubal Cabrera’s up. I dropped him from my fantasy team earlier this year. This obviously means he’s about to do something great.

11:08 – Ha, joke’s on you Asdrubal. Lines out to center. What an idiot.

11:09 – Masterson may have just given up a double to Guyer, but you have to respect the way the man wears his socks. Socks are important. I suppose he just really wants everyone to know that he plays for the Red Sox.

11:12 – It is as hot as sin in our apartment. I feel like I’m swimming through the air.

11:15 – Masterson gave up a single to left, the run scores. Craig’s throw is too late.

11:15 – Wow. Pedroia is really unbelievable. I hope there’s video of that. Inning over. [Edit: There is.]

11:17 – Bogaerts takes off his batting gloves and spits at second base. He just hit a double too. I’m just describing what I’m looking at. HARD-HITTING ANALYSIS AS ALWAYS.

11:19 – Swihart! With the first real solid hit of his career! He hit it to pretty much the same exact spot that Bogaerts did in left field, and the score is tied.

11:22 – A ground out by Betts moves Swihart over to third, and he scores on a deep sacrifice fly to center by Pedroia. 2-1, Sox.

11:26 – I went and got a glass of water. I should mop the kitchen floor this weekend.

11:27 – Well, that was nice while it lasted. 2-2. Solo shot by Longoria into the first row of the Monster seats.

11:28 – And now a double by DeJesus. ZOMG HE JUST NEEDS A TRIPLE AND A HOME RUN FOR THE CYCLE. That spot in left-center is real popular for doubles tonight.

11:29 – DeJesus runs over to third on a ground out to Bogaerts. I won’t lie to you. I’m getting a little tired. It’s all for our loyal fans. All twelve of you. Woooooo.

11:32 – Pop up! Crucial. If I fall asleep, I dedicate the ensuing nap to the fans. And to the respect…to people respecting women.

11:35 – Walk. Pitching coach visit. A firm hand in the small of Masterson’s back. John Farrell chews gum. The infielders leave one by one. Bases chucked.

11:36 – Eck (?) just said that that was Masterson’s 10th consecutive ball. Woof.

11:37 – Gets out of it. Fly to center. If you’re still reading this, you must really think I’m the bees’ knees.

11:39 – I’m gonna be honest with you, I already know the final score of this game but I don’t know how it happens. What an emotional rollercoaster. Could’ve probably seen that Napoli strikeout coming though.

11:43 – Sandoval might’ve just bumped himself back up above .300 with that single into left. Might have to start fast-forwarding between pitches soon, I’m yawning. And I have work in the morning, ughhhh.

11:53 – Masterson wild pitch, walk, pitching coach visit. Five walks already? Jesucristo.

11:56 – Make that six. Uh oh. Dude is wild right now.

11:57 – Bloop single to right. Here comes Farrell. And Mujica.

12:00 – Strikeout, ground out, out of inning.

12:05 – NESN is doing some sort of weird multi-view thing, with a camera on the pitcher, on the batter, and on the normal pre-pitch view. It’s pretty cool, especially the pitcher angle. Not one we usually get.

12:09 – Hey look, I’m sorry, this is probably dreadfully boring to read right now. I’m very tired. WHOA! Cool play by Mujica to get the runner coming home! Behind the legs! Wow, WEB GEM CITY. Farrell is merciless, yanks Mujica immediately anyway to get a lefty-lefty matchup with Tommy Layne on James Loney.

12:11 – I also had Alex Colome on my fantasy team in the DL spot until he came off. He’s looked pretty good, if not totally polished. I’m too tired for expert analysis, ask me about this tomorrow afternoon.

12:14 – Colome: [immediately gets pulled after giving up a hit to Pedroia]

12:18 – Aaaaaaaaaaaaand the power just went out. I’m not kidding. I guess I’ll take that as a sign that I should watch the condensed game in the morning. GOOD NIGHT EVERYONE.

7:35 – Good morning, ugh. Overslept.

7:38 – Lessee here, Sox strand a runner at third, Layne walks the first batter he sees in the 7th, and Tazawa comes in. He walks the first batter he sees in the 7th too! And then a diving catch by Craig in left! I think it’s safe to say that if Hanley were out there, that would’ve been a single. Good on you, Allen.

7:40 – GREAT stop by Swihart on a pitch in the dirt, followed by a popup for the second out.

7:43 – Fielder’s choice, moving to the bottom half of the 7th.

7:44 – Nothing too crazy in the 7th for the Sox: Craig walk, Holt fielder’s choice (beating the throw on an attempted double play), Holt advances to second on bad pickoff throw. But he wouldn’t get any farther.

7:46 – Robbie Ross with a 1-2-3 inning! How about that.

7:47 – MOOKIE BETTS WITH ANOTHER HOME RUN! Kid is on fire right now. 4-3, Rays. Right between two girls sitting in the back row of the Monster who both duck away from the ball. Honestly, come on ladies. Make an effort.

7:52 – Ortiz walks with one out and Napoli nearly lines out to left, but Joey Butler traps it on a diving attempt and it goes down as a single instead. Oof, nailed him right in the stomach.

7:54 – Sandoval walks, bases loaded, Nava’s up (pinch hitting for Craig). Force out at home, dammit Daniel.

7:55 – Brock Holt also grounds to first to end the inning. Not great.

7:56 – Ogando in now…decent ranging play by Bogaerts to get the first out – not a great throw but Napoli helps him out.

7:58 – Aaaand Longoria homers again. Ogando in with a one run lead and gives up a solo home run to double that lead…I feel like I’ve seen this movie before. Way out too, over the Monster.

8:01 – Bogaerts and Betts both got on base to be the potential tying runs, but Pedroia struck out and Luis Jimenez, who’d pinch run for Big Papi in the previous inning, nubbed out to the catcher to end the game (though he did do a good job of trying to get hit in the back by the throw). That’s all she wrote, it’s all over but the crying…I can’t think of any more clichés.